Licensed with Shutterstock. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a glorious church, without stain or wrinkle or any such blemish, but holy and blameless.” Ephesians 5:25-27 Forenote: This article is for a mature audience. I am not judging. I am weeping. I understand one of the root causes of the sexual sin that we are now seeing being exposed in the Church. The moral failure we are seeing in Christian leaders and beloved spiritual fathers is heart-breaking but necessary because Jesus is coming soon and He’s coming for a pure Bride, the Church (Ephesians 5:25-27). I am writing this piece to raise awareness on the connection between sexual sins and unhealed childhood sexual abuse wounds, and I base it on the experience I have as a five-time survivor of childhood sexual abuse and founder of a ministry whose mission is to promote healing for survivors of sexual abuse. I want to shout out to my sisters and brothers in the Church, “We must get to the root causes of our sexual sins!” I have gained much experience on this topic as I have undergone thirteen years of professional Christian counseling and have been sharing with and ministering to female and male survivors of sexual abuse since 2012. From my experience, I’ve learned that many cases where there is repeated sexual sin, the root cause is unhealed childhood sexual abuse wounds, whether known or repressed. I will share many examples which will serve as proof of what I am stating, and I will start with me. I was saved at age sixteen but engaged in a promiscuous lifestyle for many years following. I believed that Jesus Christ was my Lord and Savior, but deep down I also believed that I was a filthy rag. When a person has such a belief about themselves, it makes it easy to engage in “dirty deeds.” I’ve ministered to many female survivors of childhood sexual abuse who admitted to having promiscuous lifestyles, leading some to commit adultery, engage in same-sex relationships and some ended up victims of the sex trafficking trade. Two born-again Christian women who came through our ministry’s residential program later ended up selling their bodies for sex. I feel that each one was easy prey for their traffickers, as they had never undergone healing for their childhood wounds of sexual abuse. Both refused to go through the healing process. Let me explain in spiritual terms that where there has been trauma, such as childhood sexual abuse, a door gets opened to demonic spirits. To name just a few potential spirits that obtain footholds in the lives of SA victims: lust, perversity, seduction, anger, shame, low self-worth and rebellion. These spirits sometimes lay dormant, but eventually come out and tempt the wounded person to sin, especially in the area of their sexuality, but in many other areas as well. The Church is filled with people, including pastors, who have unhealed wounds of childhood sexual abuse. Where there are wounds, there are demonic strongholds, which lead to moral failures. There are well-known Christian leaders who’ve been exposed for sexual sin in past years and who have publicly admitted to being sexually abused as a child. Amongst these is Frank Houston, former pastor and father of Brian Houston, founder of Hillsong Australia. The truth came out that he was a serial pedophile, abusing boys in the church, and he admitted that he was sexually abused by his grandfather as a child. Another is Carl Lentz, former pastor of Hillsong NYC, who’s sin of adultery was exposed and this led him to open up and share that he was sexually abused as a child. Another leader in the Church who fell into sexual sin is the late Lonnie Frisbee who birthed the Jesus Revolution. He shares in his book Not By Power Nor By Might that he was sexually abused as a child on multiple occasions. I loved reading the book Once Gay Stories, a compilation of testimonies from people who engaged in same-sex relationships but experienced the love of God and His healing power and which led them to leave their gay lifestyles, finding peace and happiness as heterosexuals. I mention this book because a large number of these stories included childhood sexual abuse. These testimonies, as well as many that I have heard firsthand, tell about how these SA victims became confused about their identity. It’s easy for me to understand why a twelve-year-old boy who was sexually abused by his father at age three would become confused about his identity when puberty hits. All of a sudden, amongst raging hormones, he finds himself having same-sex attractions and starts to believe that he was born to be with males. He thinks that perhaps he was supposed to be a girl and then it makes sense that he has feelings for boys. Whether he has memories of his abuse or whether they are repressed, the unhealed wounds and the demonic footholds are present. This is why it is so important that as Christians, we don’t stop growing after we are saved. It is important to go deeper in our relationship with God and to allow him to take us through the sanctification or purification process. We must not stop at the thought, “I’ve got my ticket to heaven,” or “God loves me even though I am a sinner...Even if I engage in pornography, adultery, same-sex relationships or fornication before marriage.” Yes, Jesus came for the sinner (Mark 2:17), but it doesn’t mean that He is pleased with us if we continue to sin. An excellent film that I feel every Christian man and woman should watch is The Heart of Man streamed on Amazon Prime and YouTube. The film features both drama and interviews with Christian men and women who overcame sexual sin by allowing God to heal their brokenness, in which most stories include childhood sexual abuse. One interview is with William Paul Young, the author of the NY Times best-selling novel The Shack. Young shares how his wife caught him in an affair with her best friend and how this led him to embark on a healing journey in which he allowed God to show him that he had unhealed wounds from childhood sexual abuse. Another interview is with the author and poet Jackie Hill Perry who engaged in same sex relationships, but after receiving salvation and walking with God, she no longer felt those unhealthy attractions. Perry openly shares that she was sexually abused as a child and from that early age and on, felt urges to engage in sexual activities. This film is profoundly eye-opening, inspirational and heart-warming, as the drama that weaves throughout portrays the love of the Father for His son, who allows himself to be seduced by a woman, which creates a separation between them. It depicts the Father’s sorrow caused by this separation and His efforts to help His son turn from his sinful ways and back toward Him and their life together. God is exposing the sexual sin in the Church. He is shining His light on the secret sins that have been hiding in darkness (1 Corinthians 4:5). What we are seeing in the media surrounding well-known and well-loved Christian leaders is ugly. It’s painful. But it’s necessary! Jesus is coming soon and He cares more about our souls than our reputations. Jesus desires that His Bride be pure and spotless and that she have no other loves. I exhort my Christian brothers and sisters to allow God to take you through a journey of deep self-examination. Are there secrets of sexual sin? Are there secrets related to sexual abuse? I wrote a piece entitled, No More Secrets, and I encourage you to listen to it on our ministry’s YouTube channel. As long as we keep our sexual sins secret or the instances of sexual abuse we experienced secret, the enemy has a foothold. Freedom comes to the sinner and to the victim of abuse when things are brought out into the light. I am extremely proud of the women who have come forward publicly of late who’ve shared that they were sexually abused by Christian leaders. Amongst these are, Cindy Clemishire who admitted to being sexually abused by Pastor Robert Morris starting at age twelve through age sixteen; Lori Anne Thompson admitted that the late world-renowned apologist Ravi Zacharias engaged in sexual misconduct with her; Tammy Woods admitted to being sexually abused by Mike Bickle from the age of fourteen through college-age. I applaud these women. I too brought out the truth of my abuse decades ago while going through my inner healing journey. I said yes to God when He asked to take me through the healing process. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done but it brought me freedom, healing and wholeness, and it allowed me to learn to love myself, as well as equip me to help other survivors get healed. I exhort my Christian brothers and sisters to ask God to purify you and prepare you to meet Jesus. You never know when that day will be. It could be tomorrow. Are there secret sexual sins that you have been engaging in or unconfessed sins from years ago? Are you keeping secret the time or times when you were sexually abused as a child? If so, I encourage you to ask God to take you through the healing journey. Ask Him to lead you to someone who is experienced with helping others heal from sexual abuse. If you think that you may have been abused as a child but aren’t sure, ask God. Seek the truth with all of your heart and He will show you. If you were abused and have repressed memories, God will most likely begin to bring memories from your past to the forefront of your mind. But don’t be afraid, Jesus is a gentle surgeon! And He will never leave you as you walk through your healing journey. He will lead you from victim to victorious survivor. Once a SA survivor experiences healing, the demonic spirits that came through that open door of trauma will go right back out that door. They no longer have a basis for staying and therefore they no longer have power over the survivor in the area of his or her sexuality. Jesus is coming for a pure Bride. Will you let Him prepare you for that day? Jesus is coming back for His Bride, the Church. Will you commit to pray that “She” be holy and pure as He is holy and pure? Thank you for letting me share my heart with you. It is weeping and breaking. Not judging. Helpful Resources 1. Video: No More Secrets 2. Video: Prayer for Pastors 3. Video: Prayer for the Church 4. Video: Prayer that Breaks Pornography & Sexual Strongholds-Jennifer LeClaire Ministries 5. Video: The Heart of Man film Free on YouTube 6. Video: Interview with journalist Julie Roys on sexual misconduct in the Church- Remnant Radio Channel 7. Be Broken Ministries 8. Nathan Project 9. Allender Center 10. 11. Audio Book: The Tin Man 12. Audio Book: Brides of Christ 13. Healing Hearts Curriculum Scriptures Related To This Topic 1. James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” 2. Psalm 32:5 “Then I acknowledged my sin to You and did not hide my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,” and You forgave the guilt of my sin.” 3. Mark 4:22 “For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be brought to light.” 4. Ephesians 5:11-13 “Have no fellowship with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for everything that is illuminated becomes a light itself.” 5. Luke 12:3 “What you have spoken in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the housetops.” 6. Acts 26:18 “To open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.’” 7. Colossians 3:5 “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.” 8. 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 9. 1 Thessalonians 4:3 “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality.” 10. 1 Thessalonians 5:23 “May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” I will not be silent. I will talk about the things that for generations people have been saying "Shh. Don't talk about that stuff," or "Keep the past in the past," or "The skeletons are better left in the closet." Better for who? The perpetrators? Satan and his kingdom? If we stay quiet, Satan can produce more child molesters, tempt more victims to commit suicide, entice more people to numb themselves with alcohol or narcotics, convince more people that they are homosexual or of the opposite gender, and talk more people into not getting married or having children. I am Holly Otten, a survivor of sexual abuse and incest, and my life's work is to help people heal from sexual abuse. I am sharing with you my thoughts based on my own personal experiences and from those who've come through our inner healing curriculum for survivors, as well as from counseling survivors. I am a voice for the voiceless−the weak and wounded. Let me give you an analogy of why we must deal with the sin of sexual abuse and not keep it secret. When I was a child, I watched my grandmother take out a bowl of chicken soup from the refrigerator. When she removed the lid, I noticed the soup didn't look like it did the day before when I ate it. It had a layer of fat floating on the top. It didn't look very appetizing and because my grandmother knew that the fat was not healthy for our bodies, she skimmed the fat off and placed it in the garbage. Both perpetrators and victims try to block out the abuse as if it never happened, but the effects of the abuse create much damage in their lives, including passing down the behavior of incest to their children, who pass it down to their children, and so on. Image via Public Domain Pictures cc It's time to clean out the skeletons from the closets. It's the only way to break the generational patterns (or curses¹) of sexual abuse and incest. We Christ-followers must war for our generations. We must deal with the sin of the past and present generations so that our future generations can be spared from the horrific consequences of sexual abuse and incest. We must not keep silent when we hear a loved one say that they were sexually abused (present or past). We need to listen when a child tells us that her uncle makes her feel uncomfortable or when a child says that he doesn't want to live with Daddy any longer. We must stop protecting the perpetrator and start fighting for the rights of the victim. We must stop aiding in keeping the perpetrator's secrets. We must stop looking the other way. We must stop choosing to live in a place of denial. Pastors are not immune to temptations to molest children. I know personally of 3 pastors who molested their own children, and other church leaders who abused children, including 1 deacon, 1 worship pastor and 1 youth-group leader. There are generational curses of incest that produce strong temptations. If the pastor was molested himself and never dealt with his abuse, then there is an even stronger pull to give into temptations to molest his children, or any children who are in his life, such as his daughter's friend, a niece, a boy in his Boy Scout troop or a girl on his baseball team. Children are easy prey. The drive to satisfy his sexual desires are satiated, no matter the gender or age. In most cases, the younger, the better. Some of the reasons for this are that the children are less likely to tell anyone and they are more vulnerable because of their small size. In addition, men get more pleasure when they penetrate a smaller child, and lastly, there is no threat of pregnancy if the child is prepubescent. Let's all agree to make an effort to change things around. For the sake of our children, let's profess: "NO MORE SECRETS. NO MORE LIES. NO MORE DECEIT." It is time to tell all. It is time to get everything out in the open. God knows it all anyhow. Nothing is hidden from His eyes. God knows about the pastor's secrets. His certificate of ordination is not a sure ticket into heaven. There must be repentance in the heart of the pastor if he is to expect to have eternal life in heaven. Of course this goes for all perpetrators. I encourage perpetrators to repent to God for their sins of sexual abuse and to pray for the healing of their victims. If a victim comes to him later in years and tells him that she knows what he did to her, he should not deny it. He should apologize to her. It will help them both to heal. I experienced this with a perpetrator who sexually abused me. This family member came to me when we were adults and apologized for abusing me. After he apologized, he sobbed profusely. I saw the weight of his sin fall off of his shoulders. He became clean and free of the burden that he carried for so many years. Unfortunately, he was only 1 out of 5 perpetrators who apologized for sexually abusing me. Nonetheless, I have forgiven each one and have placed them in the hands of God, the one and only Judge. Afternote I have used the gender of the male when speaking of the perpetrator because there is a much lower percentage of women who are found to be child molesters and rapists. Also, I have used both genders when speaking of the victims, but there is a higher percentage of female victims than there are male victims. There are various statistics, but there is one that I find to be close to my personal experiences. By the age of 18, 1 out of 3 women will be sexually abused and 1 out of 5 boys. This stat is only based on known cases. Therefore, the stats are higher. I believe them to be MUCH higher because of the number of people, both women and men, who have told me of their abuse, but never told anyone else in their lives. Footnote Scriptures that speak of incest, curses and blessings: Galatians 3:13, Deuteronomy 28:15, Leviticus 20:17-21 Listen to a poem called "Skim the Fat" from the audio book "The Tin Man-The Voice of an Incest Survivor" by Holly Otten. About the Author Holly Otten is co-founder of Tin Man Ministries, a faith-based non-profit whose mission is to promote healing for survivors of sexual abuse and to advocate for victims of the sex trafficking trade. TMM has produced many resources to help survivors heal and grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ. Purchase Holly's books in paperback or audio. Read more blog posts from Grace n Glory, an outreach branch of Tin Man Ministries. "This is church," I heard God say to me. It was in the middle of a ministry board meeting. It was a lovely fall day, so I decided to have our bi-monthly meeting outside on our family deck. It was interesting to hear those words, as I was not part of an organized church at that time. Later, when I pondered God's words, I noted that we were a small group of Believers who prayed, worshipped God in song and fellowshipped with one another. This was in addition to the business portion of the meeting, but even this was done unto the Lord. I heard those same 3 words once again while praying and worshipping God with a handful of people at our state house capital building. In these 2 circumstances, I was gathered with God-fearing, Holy Spirit-filled people and everything we did or said was unto Him. "This is church." I've heard pastors highlight to their congregations the need for people to "go to the house of the Lord," (Psalm 122:1), but those words were from the Old Testament. After Jesus ascended into heaven, He sent His Holy Spirit to fill our bodies, and so when a person is filled with or baptized by the power of the Holy Spirit, they become the temple of the Holy Spirit. Paul tells the church in Corinth, "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?" (1 Corinthians 6:19). The truth is, "WE ARE THE CHURCH." WE (Believers or Christ-followers) make up the church. Paul stated to the believers in Ephesus, "So then you...are of God’s household, having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets; Christ Jesus Himself being the cornerstone; in whom the whole building, being fitted together, is growing into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together into a dwelling of God in the Spirit" (Ephesians 2:19-22). While attending one church, I was worshipping God and had a vision. I saw the church building from inside the walls, but the walls looked like a cardboard box. I watched the walls of the box collapse down and out. I then walked out of the "box" and into the street, where I saw a person whose hands were bound with handcuffs. I walked up to the person with a set of keys and unlocked the handcuffs. I spent a lot of my time in that church building. I spent hours there on Sunday mornings and then Sunday nights. I went there for the seasonal conferences, monthly women's breakfasts, weekly classes and all of the social gatherings such as the Christmas potluck. One day while in prayer, I heard God say to me, "Holly, I don't want you to camp out in the church building. I'm calling you to go outside the church building." I wept when I told my pastors what God had said to me because I loved them and was loyal to assisting them with the needs of their "church." I agree with Paul's words in the book of Hebrews, "Let’s consider how to encourage one another in love...not abandoning our own meeting together, as is the habit of some people, but encouraging one another" (Hebrews 10:24-25). We need to fellowship with like-minded people where we encourage and exhort one another. King Solomon, known for his wisdom said, "For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up!...And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart" (Ecclesiastes 4:10, 12). Whether I am part of an organized church or not, I make it a point to connect on a regular basis with my Christian brothers and sisters (and spiritual mothers and fathers), whether it be through texting, emailing, conference calls or meeting in person. I enjoy doing this not only on Sunday or the Sabbath day, but on every day of the week. I enjoy praying, worshipping, serving, fellowshipping and learning more about God, every single day of the year. I've had church in places such as a strip club, a parking lot where homosexual men meet, Dunkin Donuts, a park where drug dealers work, and my local grocery store. When California's governor mandated that churches could not gather and worship God, worship leader Sean Feucht called "the church" to gather and worship on the Golden Gate Bridge. Hundreds of Christ-followers had church on a bridge! Sean wrote about it in a Facebook post and entitled it, "THE CHURCH HAS LEFT THE BUILDING." Sean continued to have church outdoors in cities across the nation in the following months and I was blessed to take part in the Boston, Connecticut and Washington, D.C. gatherings. I loved worshipping God freely under the open sky in the Boston Common; a park where non-church goers also gathered and so could hear the Gospel message and feel the tangible presence of God. I've asked myself, "If all believers in Christ hang out with each other in a church building, then how will unbelievers outside of the building hear about the love of Jesus and be saved?" Most believers spend all their time and energy tending to their families, going to work, and lastly, in the church building. It leaves little or no time to reach out to people who would never step foot in a church building. Many people have been wounded while attending the organized church or Christian-based school. Some were victims of abuse from pastors, priests, worship leaders, and teachers. These people are not likely to walk into a church building. So I ask myself, "How will they hear the Gospel message and be saved?" Many people look at themselves and feel that they will not be accepted if they were to walk into a church building because they do not look, talk or smell as good as those inside. Even if they were welcomed, they still may feel that they do not belong. "Who will go to share the love of Jesus with these ones?" Another question that I ask myself. Ok God. I hear you. "Here am I. Send me" (Isaiah 6:8). SANCTUARY Lord prepare me To be a sanctuary Pure and holy Tried and true With thanksgiving I'll be a living Sanctuary Oh for You *Song by Marantha Music **Sanctuary refers to a temple or church |
Author
|
Archives
July 2024
March 2021
December 2020
November 2020
July 2020
March 2020
August 2019
June 2019
May 2019
February 2016
September 2015
Categories
All
Fear Out. Faith In.
Holy Spirit
If I Only Had A Heart
Is Your Heart Soft Or Hard?
Love Or Lies?
Lust Vs. Love
NO MORE SECRETS
Prodigal Daughter
Sex Trafficking
Sex Trafficking In My Backyard
Sexual Abuse
Sexual Sin In The Church
The Church Has Left The Building
The Gardener-Poem
What Does Love Look Like