 Co-founder Steve Otten shares his testimony of how God used his cancer journey as a process of purification and how he is grateful to God because it drew him closer to Him. It was as early as late March 2023 that I saw the first signs that something wasn’t right. However, the words of my father growing up kept coming into my mind. Anytime anyone in the household was sick, he would always say “It’s all in your head”. Even without realizing it, this way of thinking influenced my mind set in many areas of my life; I could be the one in control of my life, my “making my way in this world” was dependent on my efforts and my skills, and if I could do the right things and even think positively enough, I would avoid letting physical sickness interfere with living. Being faced with cancer changed all that. Following my colonoscopy, the reality of the tumor being there hit me. I couldn’t ignore it and make it go away. Fear of dying was never a burden to me. I remember having that conversation with God that if this was the end of this part of my journey, I felt assured that the future promise of heaven was not something to be afraid of. It was shortly after that; I was reading about King Hezekiah in the book of 2 Kings chapter 20 where God promises to extend his life. I believe God was telling me my journey would not end in death, it would be a journey of revealing, refining, and restoration. Ezekiel’s Vision (Ezekiel 8:7-12) Then he brought me to the entrance to the court. I looked, and I saw a hole in the wall. He said to me, “Son of man, now dig into the wall.” So, I dug into the wall and saw a doorway there. And he said to me, “Go in and see the wicked and detestable things they are doing here.” So, I went in and looked, and I saw portrayed all over the walls all kinds of crawling things and unclean animals and all the idols of Israel. In front of them stood seventy elders of Israel, and Jaazaniah son of Shaphan was standing among them. Each had a censer in his hand, and a fragrant cloud of incense was rising. He said to me, “Son of man, have you seen what the elders of Israel are doing in the darkness, each at the shrine of his own idol? They say, ‘The Lord does not see us; the Lord has forsaken the land.’” God brought me to this passage early in the journey. When I read it, the Holy Spirit revealed that this would be significant to my journey. God would reveal the “hidden idols” in this temple (aka me) (I Cor. 6:19). The idols of Ezekiel’s time were objects that the people would turn to for deliverance from their troubles. What were the things I was turning to when I felt fear or anxiety? Who was I depending on for deliverance from my troubles? Ezekiel had to dig through the wall. It was not obvious on the outside, all looked good. The idolatry was hidden deep inside in darkness. This journey would require “digging through walls”, walls that I had built, to expose things that were hidden deep inside. As I look back on my life, I can recall so many times when the small troubles of life (i.e. leaky water pipes, car issues, financial shortfalls, etc.) would cause anxiety and anger to rise within me to the point where I would make my misery affect all those around me. When I reflect on those times, I’ve come to realize that I was carrying all the burden and responsibility to be the provider and problem solver. This cancer journey has taught me that I don’t need to carry all the burden and responsibility for things I cannot control or solve. I have a Father and Savior to help me and no matter how things turn out, I can trust Him. The Testing of My Faith One of the worst side effects of the Chemotherapy was that I would get spasms in my esophagus. What would start a day or two following a treatment as non-stop hiccups would progressively get worse to the point where I have these convulsive spasms in my esophagus where I couldn’t get my breath. These would last for up to a week or more at a time. This became a big challenge to my faith. It seemed that regardless of how much prayer I received or did, God did not take them away. We as Christians always hope for the supernatural healing. We’ve come to believe that if God really loves us, he will come to our rescue and relieve our discomfort. But maybe God’s love goes beyond our physical comfort. I recently read the story of Jesus raising of Lazarus from the dead. Something that hit me was when Jesus told them to open the tomb and Mary said, “he’s been dead for 3 days, surely he stinks”. When I read this, it hit me that this guy was dead beyond just getting his heart beating again, beyond a little CPR. Cells throughout his body were dead and decay had begun. This is the power of resurrection, in an instant, all that was dead came alive again. Physical miracles are pretty simple for God, the hard task is getting peoples hearts to change. Another test of my faith was related to the ostomy bag. From the beginning, I was aware that having one was a possibility. We prayed often that this would not be the case and that surgery to remove the tumor would be all that was needed. After waking up in post-surgery, I realized that the surgeon had to perform an ileostomy. Although typically a reversal procedure can be done 8 weeks after resection surgery, due to the surgeon’s schedule, I had to wait 2 months. Waiting is hard, especially in difficult circumstances. But I believe this was because God was not done teaching me and revealing things within myself that needed to go. God’s grace got me through it. It turned out that my fears were greater than reality (as fear usually is), and I learned to manage life with the bag. Scorpion Dream Early in the journey I had a dream. In the dream I was working on this old, dilapidated house using a staple hammer to attach insulation to joists. Suddenly a scorpion appeared crawling along a joist. Instantly I smashed it and killed it with the tool. Next thing a saw was a scorpion crawling on me. I distinctly remember not feeling any fear and simply brushed it off. Then I heard a voice saying “Step on it” so I did. After discussing the dream with my wife, we came to believe that it was from God. We believe that scorpions represented the cancer and that it would be partially cured with medical procedures such as chemo and surgery (the tool). The second scorpions demise represented my taking action, stepping out in faith. We believe this was fulfilled. I went through 7 sessions of the prescribed 12 when the oncologist and surgeon decided I was a good candidate to proceed with surgery to remove the tumor. Surgery went very well and the pathology results indicated no cancer in the adjoining lymph nodes. For post-surgery follow up, we met with the surgeon first. Although he mentioned that the Cancer board had discussed my case and was recommending continuing with chemo, he indicated that with the positive pathology results we should consider weighing whether the negative effects of chemo was worth the cost. We left that meeting with the feeling that we were done with chemo and only had the reversal surgery ahead of us. The following meeting with the oncologist was a bit different. Although we were expecting him to have a similar attitude as the surgeon, we soon discovered that he was pretty adamant about finishing the chemo. This would mean five more sessions. We left that meeting in a state of confusion and uncertainty. We had a week to give him an answer. The following week was a week prayer and seeking and listening for God’s voice. We both had to hear the same thing. I must confess that I would not have been successful at listening to God if it was not for my wife. One quality that has always impressed me about her was her gift to connect with God and the spiritual kingdom. I tend to be the opposite and lean on logic and reasoning of the mind (which is sometimes corrupted). Through this whole journey, no one has fought harder for me then my wife and for that I say, “thank-you”. One thing I learned during this week is that God’s voice doesn’t contradict logic and reason, although it may contradict distorted logic and reason. By the end of the week, we were both confident that God was telling us that I was cancer free. That was the big step in faith and trust for me. In our life’s journey we will face difficulties. We often expect God to be the hero of our story, and we think the hero is the one who rides in at the end of the movie and saves us. But through this journey, I’ve come to believe that God’s true desire is to truly save me, the thing deep within in that makes me, me, the “heart”, the “soul”. To break down the walls I’ve built up around my heart. The impenetrable walls that create a separation between me and those around me and a separation between me and my God. I’ve come to realize that my idol was myself. Living in a self-centered world with walls around me that looked good and holy to the observer from the outside. But it’s what’s on the inside that God wants to commune with and it’s what our love ones want to commune with. We don’t like pain and sorrow, and we tend to avoid it at all costs. Through this cancer journey I’ve come to believe that difficult trials in life can provide an opportunity of growing and learning about ourselves. Learning about the things deep within ourselves that need to change to make our lives more fulfilled. I don’t believe that the cancer was from God, but I do believe that even “weapons formed against us” can become something for our prosperity. “I prayed, tears on my face, I asked for You to do what only You could do. I waited day after day, but nothing seemed to change. Then there came the day when all I wanted fell apart, but it fell in Your hands. Maybe the miracle is not what I asked You for. Maybe my deepest pain deepens me to know You more. God, in my brokenness You were my faithful friend. And now I see that may be the miracle. You and I don’t always see eye to eye. We make such different plans. In time I understand Your thoughts are higher, Your ways are wiser. And I know I am not forsaken.” Song: Maybe The Miracle by Lizzie Morgan  The first predator: A married pastor and ministry leader A gray-haired man old enough to be my father He spoke into my life Encouraged me as a ministry leader Donated financially to my ministry I viewed him as a spiritual father One day things became clear He invited me to visit him in his home state He could minister healing to me from sexual abuse wounds Told me he’d pay for my trip and put me up in a hotel He’d minister to me there by applying oil to my female parts This is what God told him to do he said I became sick to my stomach at his words I declined his invitation and distanced myself from him The second predator: A gray-haired elder in my church Pastor’s lead intercessor He took an interest in me Poured into my life Interceded for me and my ministry Gave financial donations I looked to him as a spiritual father I never saw the signs Until my husband said “I have a feeling that if I wasn’t around, he’d hit on you” I saw the light that day His motives toward me were not pure I noticed him preying on other vulnerable women I told my pastors but they made excuses for him Never made him accountable God told me to leave that church Why did I fall prey? I had unhealed wounds from childhood sexual abuse God said “You must let me heal you” He shined His light on a truth I had tried to deny My grandfather stole my virginity at age five At age seventeen a man raped me at a party These were the wounds I hadn’t let God touch Previously, God led me through healing from sexual abuse From my father, brother, and a father that hired me to babysit I just might have advice that is worth considering Advice to Christ-followers: 1. Never choose a spiritual father/mother of the opposite gender Never choose a spiritual daughter/son of the opposite gender No matter the age difference One woman had a spiritual son fall in love or lust with her She was old enough to be his mother Another woman had her spiritual father get her drunk and rape her He was old enough to be her father A teen girl was routinely molested by her adult church worship leader 2. Male pastors and leaders should never hug Or be touchy-feely with females of any age Nor should they pray over or minister to females without another female present If you are doing this—please stop it Satan is a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour Not to mention, you don’t know if she has been formerly violated by a man 3. Beware of male pastors and leaders Who are touchy-feely with younger males And like to get them alone Many are unhealed and have hidden same-sex attractions 4. All Christ-followers should ask God to show them unhealed wounds Including childhood wounds All Christ-followers should spend seasons visiting a licensed or Biblical counselor Say yes to the purification process This is particularly important for pastors and ministry leaders Who are a target for Satan and his minion Jezebel Notes Holly and her husband Steve Otten are founders of Tin Man Ministries, a faith-based non-profit whose mission is to promote healing for survivors of sexual abuse and advocate for victims of the sex trafficking trade. Holly Otten’s testimony can be found on YouTube: Holly Otten Testimony "Rags to Riches" “Proclaim Liberty throughout all the Land Unto all the inhabitants thereof."(Leviticus 25:10)  Holly Otten on Prayer Assignment at the National monument, the Liberty Bell, a symbol of FREEDOM! After spending 3 days alone with God, praying, travailing and fasting, I received a vision from the Lord. I saw Jesus Christ riding quickly toward me on a white horse. He had a double-edged sword in His hand. I received the knowledge that one side of the sword was to release His justice and the other side was to set the captives free. I knew that this vision was referring to the sex trafficking cause that I only recently had been called by God to take up. On another occasion while in prayer, God broke my heart with the following vision. I saw women laying all over the ground. They were bruised and battered looking; clothes dirty and torn. I screamed at what I saw. My heart broke. In the natural realm, I wept profusely. In the midst of my tears, I heard God say, "Satan's been mopping up the floor with them." Months before, in September of 2014, on a visit to a healing ministry in Canada, God called me and my husband to include in our ministry the sex slavery cause. Until then, our ministry was to promote healing for survivors of sexual abuse. While there, I had a conversation with the ministry leader who told me that she had just been given a home so that she could take in women coming out of the life of prostitution and sexual exploitation. Every time she talked about this home during my stay, and the burden that God had placed on her heart, I would break out in tears. She had also shared with me that while we were talking, she heard these words in her spirit from the Lord─Underground Railroad. After I returned home, God told me to prayer walk at our state Capitol building regularly. On my first visit with a group of intercessors, while walking the halls, a bust of a woman stopped me in my tracks. I knew that God was bringing my attention to it. The plaque below the bust said “Elizabeth Buffam Chase.” When our group joined together at the end, my pastor said to me, “God is giving you a new mantle.” As soon as I got home, I researched this woman who lived in my state and learned that her home was a Station on the Underground Railroad. Elizabeth and her husband Samuel were very influential in the anti-slavery movement. She died on my birthdate, December 12th. One significant memory that I have related to this time period, is the day when I took one of our adopted daughter’s─one whom we rescued from a life of sexual exploitation─to our state Capitol, where we joined a prayer gathering for our state. We have a picture together in front of a replica of the Liberty Bell, in which it states, “Proclaim Liberty throughout all the Land Unto all the inhabitants thereof" (Leviticus 25:10). The verse refers to the Year of Jubilee, when the Israelites were instructed to return property and free slaves every 50 years. After 1 year of prayer walking at our state Capitol, God started bringing local politicians into my life; each one, a Christian, and desiring to see an end to sex trafficking in our state. One state representative invited me and our ministry team to the floor of the Congressional House to introduce us and honor us for our work. This congresswoman also came to my church where our ministry was hosting an event to raise awareness on sex trafficking. Another state representative came and sat down with us in a small intimate setting to hear the testimony of a woman whom we helped get free from her trafficker. As he listened to the horrors of what she went through, tears streamed down his manly face. I also became good friends with Senator Cassidy* whose cousin was killed by her trafficker, because she dared to leave him and start life over in another state. Senator Cassidy also introduced me and our ministry team to the Senate Congressional floor on 2 occasions. These were opportunities to raise awareness of sex trafficking in our state, and also of the work that our ministry is doing. In the last appearance, the Chair of the Senate thanked us from the podium for our work. I felt that his words came straight from God’s heart. Senator Cassidy and I have worked together on several initiatives in our work to end sex trafficking in our state. Senator Cassidy invited our ministry to lead a presentation in the state Capitol to raise awareness with its Congress members. Members were given invitations to come and hear a presentation on the subject, which was led by me. We showed excerpts of a powerful docufilm called “Nefarious-Merchants of Souls,” that caused one man to shed tears. We also distributed small packets with information, including statistics and resources within our state. Another initiative involved a legislative package that I created, with the purpose for our government to mandate that the National Human Trafficking hotline number be posted at hubs throughout the state that are known for sex trafficking. The senator took my package, in which I spent considerable hours researching and writing, and had it drafted by her legal team. It was then brought to a vote with her peers, in which I attended and gave testimony. The bill did not pass that day, but a few years later it did pass, when reworded and introduced by a fellow senator. Senator Cassidy was upset that her bill was “stolen,” but we are so happy the bill was passed into law. I was ecstatic on the day that I saw a hotline poster on the back of a restroom door of the truck stop in my neighborhood, which I prayer walked for years, while alone or with prayer teams. Truck stops and other travel hubs are places where one can spot persons being trafficked, as well as hotels, massage parlors and gentlemen clubs. With this in mind, our ministry took on an initiative to raise awareness of sex trafficking in hotels around the state. We created small packages with information, including posters with the hotline number and our contact information. While visiting a low economy motel, I spotted a young woman who was clearly being trafficked by 2 traffickers or pimps. Because of my knowledge on how to spot a victim of sex trafficking, I knew it when I saw it. I called the local police and they responded by thanking me for calling and drove out to the motel immediately. However, I didn’t stay to see how things turned out. This same motel was brought to my attention by a friend whose teen granddaughter and friends were abducted by a few men and brought there, where they were drugged and told they would have to perform sex acts on men. I feel that God purposed for me to learn of these things firsthand because He wanted to burden by heart so that I would pray and act, with the purpose to abolish sex slavery in my state. God has not only led me to intercede for sex slavery to be abolished in my state, but also in my nation of America. While attending a 4-day global anti-trafficking summit in D.C., I went through training in lobbying government officials. We were then sent out in teams to visit U.S. offices of senators and representatives, where we talked with Congress members or staff, sharing about details related to sex trafficking, and urging them to pass anti-trafficking laws. God has had me travel to D.C. with prayer teams on many occasions, and one of the reasons is to pray for end to sex slavery in America. After God had me facilitate prayer gatherings in states across the U.S. in a 2-year span, He said to me, “Now, take your post.” He further instructed me to start a monthly national prayer call, with the sole purpose of praying for an end to sexual abuse and sex slavery. We are certain to include praying the battle plan on each call; the strategy that God downloaded in my heart, to end sex slavery. I have obeyed God and we are now in our 5th year of facilitating the 50 STATES NIGHTWATCH prayer call. God has further burdened my heart to save His daughters from sex slavery by speaking to me through a children’s book entitled Moses.* I was in the children’s library checking out books with my son when I came upon this book about the life of Harriet Tubman, an abolitionist who was part of the Underground Railroad and helped free approximately 300 people from slavery. I knew I had to take this book home and when I finally sat down to read it by myself, the words in the book came to life in my heart. The entire text contains conversations between God and Harriet, words from God that guided and instructed Harriet in the ways that she should go in order to become free herself and then to lead others to freedom. When I read words that were from God, I felt that God was speaking them to ME! I wept throughout the entire book and these words will forever ring in my heart. “Be the Moses of your people…I have blessed you with a strong body, a clever mind. You heal the sick and see the future. Use your gifts to break the chains…Save all you can, daughter.” And Harriet’s response is my response. “I will do as You say Lord. I will show others the way to freedom that You have shown me.”* Notes 1. Senator Cassidy-name changed. 2. Moses by Carol Boston Weatherford and Kadir Nelson. Jump at the Sun, Hyperian Books for Children, New York. 2006. “I prayed for freedom for twenty years, but received no answer, until I prayed with my legs.” ─Quote by the 19th century abolitionist and former slave Frederick Douglass. |
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